"Patience is a virtue." Patience is something I haven't exactly excelled at in my past. I've always been more of an instant gratification sort of gal. Somehow, I've always known though, patience would be my biggest test in life.
When I was in my teenage years and my young 20's, I had my life planned out. I was going to graduate college, get married, buy a house, have 3 kids, a dog, a cat, and a mini van- all before I turned 30. (Because that's what you're supposed to do, right?) So, when I reached the evening before my last birthday, I cried. I had a full blown meltdown because I was divorced with no kids, no house, no minivan, no dog, and my cats weren't even in my possession at the time. I was convinced I was a total and utter failure. I wrote myself a letter that night. I wanted to be able to look back on it one day to remind myself how ridiculous I was being the night before my 29th birthday.
Just a month and a half later- I look back at this letter and think to myself "Geeze, take a chill pill!" I've found my inner peace. Everything that I thought was turning my life into a disaster was actually pointing me in the right direction. I got off track a few times here and there the last 10 years, but I wouldn't be the person I am today otherwise. Yeah, I don't have the husband (or the boyfriend even), I don't have the kids, the minivan, the big glorious house with an outdoor kitchen (hey, dream big!), or the dog...but I have everything I could ever want right now. I've realized that right now, I'm not supposed to have those kids or that husband. I wasn't ready. I needed to go off the deep end, learn to swim, and be able to climb back out on my own. I needed that time to be alone and figure out who I was, what I wanted, what I didn't want, etc. I also needed to learn to stop relying on other people and other things to complete me. It's been a hard lesson, but a very much needed lesson.
I don't need anyone to complete me. Am I ready to fall in love again? Absolutely. I finally fell in love with myself and know I am 110% capable of being able to love someone else. BUT, am I going looking for it? No way. I've learned patience truly IS a virtue. He's out there (whoever he is) and that house and those kids and that dog and the minivan can wait. I'm letting life happen as it comes now and taking each day for what it is.
